Empowerment through Compassion

Compassion is the Key to Saving The World

All the cruelties and atrocities in the world happen because of lack of empathy and compassion.

Governments could only wage war and bomb and murder and maim countless men, women and children in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen and other war torn countries by objectifying human beings as ‘collateral damage’. In other words, by being devoid of empathy and compassion for human suffering. 

The cruelties that workers in factory farms and slaughterhouses inflict on billions of defenceless animals can only happen by shutting down all empathy and compassion for their terror, pain and suffering and objectifying them as ‘food products’.

The violation of children by paedophiles, the mutilation of innocent people by laughing soldiers, the act of planting a bomb on a train that blows human beings to bits, exploiting workers in slave labour, incarcerating people in prisons, torture, rape, violence and every variety of abuse and all the atrocities you can document are only possible through a lack of empathy and compassion for other living beings.

If lack of empathy and compassion is the core problem then logically, developing empathy and compassion is the solution. Compassion is the key to solving all levels of abuse in every relationship on the planet.

What exactly is empathy and compassion?

Empathy is to see and feel someone else’s inner emotions – the pain of their fears, grief, shame, helplessness, despair and also their joy, hopes and dreams and longings. Empathy is to perceive the raw unmet needs beneath surface behaviour.

Compassion is a deep understanding and concern for others’ suffering that connects us with humanity and all living beings. As we mature we become other-centred, rather than self-centred. When feeling compassion, we cannot harm others. We want the best for them: peace and safety, health and happiness, love and connection. The compassionate heart treats others with kindness, forgiveness and grace.

Empathy and compassion are located in the feeling heart, not the logical brain, and develop when the heart is broken. Through the shattering experience of grief and suffering, we grow in our ability to empathise.

Attuned parents also develop empathy when they understand and soothe the intense feelings propelling the toddler tantrum.

But some people disconnect from their own vulnerability and become cold and numb to the suffering of others. They justify cruelty and destruction. They act from insatiable greed and self-interest.

In understanding other people’s decisions and actions, we must dig deep into the values (strongly-held beliefs) and buried emotions that motivate and drive their actions.

If the world’s most skilful psychotherapists could break down destructive politicians, they would discover a hurting little child inside desperately trying to get attention and adoration, feel important and please mummy and daddy.

The Great Spiritual Teachers Taught Compassion

Jesus of Nazareth’s true gift was his heightened empathy and compassion for his fellow human beings, expressed freely without prejudice or discrimination.

With penetrating insight, Jesus could see through harmful behaviour to the inner pain of the sinner and, feeling compassion for their heartache, could then extend forgiveness, pardon without punishment, in the warm embrace of grace and mercy.

Jesus’ abilities to heal and perform miracles were in fact not as amazing, and not really the point of his ministry, as much as teaching compassion. Jesus’ supernatural powers were merely a concentrated and accelerated version of God’s everyday abilities. Our bodies, driven by divine intelligence, have the ability to heal, and the creative force of God is continually performing ‘miracles’ in Nature.

The beautiful, wise Tibetan Buddhist Dalai Lama continues to teach kindness and compassion through the art of seeing deeply into the soul. Buddhism teaches us to do no harm and that loving connection with all life leads to happiness.

Religions that preach hatred and violence, oppression and intolerance, strict rules and punitive punishment are the very opposite of heart-centred compassion.

Compassion is a Type of Love

To reiterate, compassion is a type of love; spiritual love the Greeks call Agape. It is a feeling of deep tenderness and kindness that springs from the experience of empathy and understanding for someone’s vulnerability and physical or emotional pain. A compassionate person sees through facades and defences to the inner anguish.

Empathy is the ability to feel someone else’s suffering; to imagine yourself in their situation and allow yourself to momentarily experience their emotions. Empathy connects people and empathy is a leveller that unites people as equals. Sympathy, in contrast, is detached, and sometimes dispensed from a superior distance.

The spiritual qualities of empathy and compassion are inextricably woven together and reside in the heart, like an exquisite flower. From these sweet qualities flow caring actions such as soothing words of comfort and practical acts to help the suffering person feel better.

There are other types of love. Eros is sexual passion between lovers. And Phileo is brotherly love; a platonic, sibling-style love between family members and friends. Bonds of warm affection are formed through this kind of love. Maternal and paternal love are powerful forms of nurturing and protective love for children.

I believe compassion is the ultimate form of love. Compassion is the essential ingredient that leads to the deepest sense of connection and bonding, intimacy and belonging, with other human beings and all living creatures.

A Compassionate Partnership

When a couple overcomes self-centredness and develops compassion for each other they reach a depth of love that enriches their hearts like the warmth of a blazing open fire in winter. And sexual expression of love takes on a new dimension of soul connection beyond physical pleasure.

If a couple develops compassion for each other, this generous kind of love will spill out to all other relationships in their life, to their children, family and friends and to the wider community and ultimately the world in a profound ripple effect.

If enough couples cultivated compassion it could be the starting point for transformation of the planet. The microcosm of compassionate relationships will transform the macrocosm of society.

How Do You Learn Compassion?

Compassion is inextricably linked to pain. As you experience and express repressed emotional pain and grief, through tears, you cultivate empathy and compassion.

Connecting with the buried pain of a lifetime often comes through the breakdown of defences triggered by a major life crisis, trauma or loss. Everyone who has ever lost a child, a parent, a lover, your health or your dreams knows how grief can smash your heart to pieces. Being heart broken is a catalyst.

 The experience of your own inner pain and grief will naturally lead to empathy for other people’s pain. All the tyrants and warmongers of the world and all those who inflict suffering on others are dissociated from their own inner pain.

Remorse and Redemption

If you are the cause of someone else’s pain, you will experience remorse, a deep and genuine sorrow, for that person, which is different from self-centred guilt. Remorse is a form of contrition steeped in humility. All denial, justification, rationalisations, excuses and blame drop away in undefended, honest self-scrutiny.

Remorse leads to surrender and a desire for forgiveness and making amends. Repentance means re-thinking your future life. A change in thinking, emotions and actions results in Redemption; the transformation to goodness and the beginning of a new life, cultivating compassion.

What Are You Worth?

What is the measure of your worth as a human being? The value of a human being is not measured by earning capacity, ownership, beauty, achievements, talents and experiences or even your contribution to society.

Your value as a human being is measured by your ability to feel and express compassion, up close and personal, to other flesh and blood individuals on a daily basis. It is only compassion that makes a human being valuable and worthy of love.

At the end of your life and my life, the extent to which we connected with other human beings and all forms of life and felt and expressed the healing balm of empathy and compassion will be the measure of our worth.

Empowerment through Heartbreak, Redemption and Renewal

There was a time I was heartbroken, in fact my heart was smashed into pieces by a sledgehammer.

In the bitter winter of December 2003, I was living in New York City, on the edge of Harlem.

Wrapped in a heavy coat, I trudged around the frozen lake in Central Park, with tears streaming down my face; dazed and shocked, betrayed and violated, abandoned and ostracised.

Sinking into the deepest misery about the offence committed against me, I suddenly felt a crashing wave of empathy for the people I loved, and how I’d hurt them by leaving.

In that epiphany of empathy, I recalled every person I’d ever sinned against and hurt in my life. They all came to me; their sad and angry faces, in a swirling vision of recrimination.

I was swamped with agonising remorse, a very different emotion to self-centred guilt and shame. I experienced pure sorrow for other human beings whom had suffered because of my immaturity, selfishness, recklessness and lack of morals.

In my moment of truth, I dropped to my knees on the cold, wet earth and cried out to God for forgiveness. I needed a saviour. I called on Jesus Christ. I needed redemption. I needed to heal my sense of badness and find goodness. I was a sinner.

For the rest of my time in New York I attended the Baptist Church and my black brothers and sisters accepted me in my brokenness, they loved me and prayed for me. They saved me with Amazing Grace and baptised me in white robes.

They eased me through my dark night of the soul until I was ready to return home to Australia and start the harrowing healing process with my family.

I joined a church back home, and started the next stage of my spiritual journey: repentance. This Greek word means “rethink” and that’s what I did: reviewing, reproaching, regretting and ruminating over my past.  

I revised my values and beliefs through soaking up sermons, reading scripture, praying earnestly and singing my heart out every Sunday.

I healed my pain through journaling, therapy and grieving; learning the art of understanding, kindness, forgiveness, compassion and grace for others and myself.

I made amends to those I’d hurt and healed damaged relationships.  

This soul searching lasted a good three years.

And finally I reached a place of renewal. I was ready for a new life. Recovered, revived and rejuvenated, I started a fresh new chapter as a better, deeper, wiser human being.

Six Steps to Renewal

In retrospect I identified six steps to this process of growth, which I’ve witnessed others move through too.

Step One is an experience of crushing pain due to a life crisis – in relationships, heath or finances. Or sometimes two or three of these essential props that hold us secure crash simultaneously.

Step Two is an experience of intense empathy. In the vulnerability of pain, all defences drop away, and we see ourselves honestly – all our weaknesses and defects, all our mistakes and sins and how we have impacted and hurt or failed loved ones or innocent bystanders.   

       

Step Three is an overwhelming experience of remorse; deep sorrow for the pain we’ve caused others. Suddenly we can see from the other person’s perspective, which opens a flood of contrition.

Step Four brings total humility and a genuine crying out for salvation and redemption. Some cry out to God, others reach out for help from caring people.

This breakdown can be a catalyst for healing and growth or cause some isolated people to fall into an abyss and seek solace in dangerous places.

Step Five is a process of repentance, of introspection and reflection, re-evaluating values and healing emotional wounds and repairing relationships.  

    

Step Six, like the glory of springtime, brings renewal, as you embark on a new life. With your new wisdom and good qualities you can make the world a better place.

This is not a formal, orchestrated process, but the natural path of the wounded heart seeking healing and growth.

Broken people mend and grow into compassionate, wounded healers capable of embracing human frailty and guiding the heartbroken on the rocky path to a gentle meadow of spring flowers, where they will bloom and flourish.

Sufi philosopher and poet Rumi said: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”