There was a time I was heartbroken, in fact my heart was
smashed into pieces by a sledgehammer.
In the bitter winter of December 2003, I was living in New
York City, on the edge of Harlem.
Wrapped in a heavy coat, I trudged around the frozen lake in
Central Park, with tears streaming down my face; dazed and shocked, betrayed
and violated, abandoned and ostracised.
Sinking into the deepest misery about the offence committed
against me, I suddenly felt a crashing wave of empathy for the people I loved,
and how I’d hurt them by leaving.
In that epiphany of empathy, I recalled every person I’d
ever sinned against and hurt in my life. They all came to me; their sad and
angry faces, in a swirling vision of recrimination.
I was swamped with agonising remorse, a very different
emotion to self-centred guilt and shame. I experienced pure sorrow for other
human beings whom had suffered because of my immaturity, selfishness,
recklessness and lack of morals.
In my moment of truth, I dropped to my knees on the cold,
wet earth and cried out to God for forgiveness. I needed a saviour. I called on
Jesus Christ. I needed redemption. I needed to heal my sense of badness and
find goodness. I was a sinner.
For the rest of my time in New York I attended the Baptist
Church and my black brothers and sisters accepted me in my brokenness, they
loved me and prayed for me. They saved me with Amazing Grace and baptised me in
white robes.
They eased me through my dark night of the soul until I was
ready to return home to Australia and start the harrowing healing process with
my family.
I joined a church back home, and started the next stage of
my spiritual journey: repentance. This Greek word means “rethink” and that’s
what I did: reviewing, reproaching, regretting and ruminating over my past.
I revised my values and beliefs through soaking up sermons,
reading scripture, praying earnestly and singing my heart out every Sunday.
I healed my pain through journaling, therapy and grieving;
learning the art of understanding, kindness, forgiveness, compassion and grace
for others and myself.
I made amends to
those I’d hurt and healed damaged relationships.
This soul searching lasted a good three years.
And finally I reached a place of renewal. I was ready for a
new life. Recovered, revived and rejuvenated, I started a fresh new chapter as
a better, deeper, wiser human being.
Six Steps to Renewal
In retrospect I identified six steps to this process of
growth, which I’ve witnessed others move through too.
Step One is an
experience of crushing pain due to a
life crisis – in relationships, heath or finances. Or sometimes two or three of
these essential props that hold us secure crash simultaneously.
Step Two is an
experience of intense empathy. In
the vulnerability of pain, all defences drop away, and we see ourselves
honestly – all our weaknesses and defects, all our mistakes and sins and how we
have impacted and hurt or failed loved ones or innocent bystanders.
Step Three is an
overwhelming experience of remorse;
deep sorrow for the pain we’ve caused others. Suddenly we can see from the
other person’s perspective, which opens a flood of contrition.
Step Four brings total
humility and a genuine crying out for salvation and redemption. Some cry out to God, others reach out for help from
caring people.
This breakdown can be a catalyst for healing and growth or
cause some isolated people to fall into an abyss and seek solace in dangerous
places.
Step Five is a
process of repentance, of
introspection and reflection, re-evaluating values and healing emotional wounds
and repairing relationships.
Step Six, like
the glory of springtime, brings renewal,
as you embark on a new life. With your new wisdom and good qualities you can make
the world a better place.
This is not a formal, orchestrated process, but the natural
path of the wounded heart seeking healing and growth.
Broken people mend and grow into compassionate, wounded
healers capable of embracing human frailty and guiding the heartbroken on the
rocky path to a gentle meadow of spring flowers, where they will bloom and
flourish.
Sufi philosopher
and poet Rumi said: “The wound is the place where
the light enters you.”
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